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My identity is insignificant, for the focus of this site is thought, that accidently, just so happens to be mine. In any given day, that thought can be anyone’s. As it accrues to me, I trace it’s Genesis, analyse, deduct, monitor and act upon it, hopefully to change something for the better. Everyday, a bit better than yesterday. For that, I have a practice.

However, the Observer Effect dictates that the properties of a system cannot be separated from the apparatus used to measure it. The observer is mathematically part of the equation. And so, to clear the observer part of the equation – 

By day, I am an engineer and an IT data translator. I spend my hours mapping complex, incompatible systems—forcing cold data to communicate securely. At home, I am a mother to three kids, managing the most unpredictable, high-entropy system in the universe during the dinner rush hour. I am trained as a coach, I practice the physical mechanics of Pilates, and I cut glass as a vitrage artist, trying to find the exact angles where broken pieces bend the light into something coherent.

Here, I am a Prism. I look for the spectrum hidden in the white noise.

I imagine a world that I want to live in. What I see, Who I meet, How we speak. How I feel. How I reflect on another. I vision it clearly and act upon it. Hoping it’ll be contagious enough for the other person to perceive. Hoping I’ll perceive back what I was aiming for.
My world makes sense to me. It consists of positive perception and adequate responses. Just the right amount of self, minimum amount of pettiness and maximum amount of tenderness. In my world, I’m my best self.
However, Unlike the real world, my world lacks of events. Its sterile. It’s easy to be best when not being tested. And so I begin putting myself to the test and gently exposed to the real world, just enough to perceive my reflection but not as much as let the course of events spin me out of my course, bearing in mind everyday the image of my best self.
That image can only last a while until it’s starting to fade. Blending with the mix of other perceptions. Until I see only a vague concept of what used to be me. And I wonder – have I groan? am I tuning myself to the real world? adjusting my point of view? doubting my beliefs? Maybe I was naive? Maybe now I know better?
Until one day I look at myself in the mirror and hardly recognize my reflection. I know it’s me but a different me. The only question that is relevant at that point is “Am I still my best self?”, or would that be enough: “If I meet my own reflection, would I love it?” It’s not an easy question, therefore takes a while to answer.
If not, I stop. I can always stop. Luckily, so many gathered momentum forces allow me to put my life on an autopilot and reflect. My routine is my everyday force that continues spinning while look at my reflection.
I Take a break
Try another color
Change my point of view
Offer myself alternative story
If still doesn’t help – a change of paradigm may be required. Some fundamental beliefs are at risks. At that point, I always remind myself that humanity changed her perception about many notions over the course of history, that maybe it is not me who needs the adaptation. There is always the slightest chance that I’m fine and the world is crazy. There’s not much to do about it. I’m not the revolutionary type. But when I imagine my world clearly again and act upon it, on rare occasions I change enough of my closest surrounding to fulfill, if even for a moment, my world within.

Here is a space composed of those moments which I’m eager to share with you. If you identify, I identify as you.